First module I quit in disgust. Important information is buried in the wall of text. Some already mention the problem with Harwin. This is a blue's clues level mystery. To improve it. Page 30 add Vollis Foote description. Page 5 highlight, "a letter address to Segren" . Page 7 add investigation check of Markus profession. Add mention of "possibility large needle". B. All about the hallgates mention Harwin store is 2 stores down. In right hand column give the names of two dead victims. (I had all the victims in a weekly poker game.) Page 8 D. Harwin Shop highlight Apprentice zook. This so people know Zook is in the shop.
Page 9 Looks like "Gharizol" is going to be important. Break the paragraph What they to what. So we know this is important. In fact I would go back and say each body had a bloody "G" on their forehead. You could mention on page 7 That Bolnata was dating Harwin before she married Markus.
[1 of 5 Stars!]