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Joe Blow's Guide to Being an NPC



I see you eyeing this deliciously attractive character supplement. Eight new classes has got your mechanical munchkin build theorems running on overdrive, I bet. I know what you are thinking, 'what new advantages could I unlock in the pages of this tome?' Well, I'll tell ya. NONE. ZIP. ZILCH. NADA. You've already got your Player's Handbooks and Xanthar's Guides and Starter Sets and splat books galore, you keep your grubby dungeon-delving hands off of this one. This guide is for the rest of us. The Peasants & Commoners whose names you barely take the time to learn while you make your pit stops in town, buying up all the ale so there's none left for us after a hard day's work. I promise you, there's nothing in here the likes of you would even want anyway. Nobody who takes one of these eight classes is going to survive even a single low-level dungeon delve. These aren't adventurer classes, they're peasant classes. Like I said, they are for the rest of us. So take your loot and your fancy class features and go get bent somewhere else!"

-Joe Blow, an NPC, probably


Joe Blow's Guide to Being an NPC is a brand new fifth edition supplement that gives you 8 new character classes for playing peasants and commoners, not adventurers. Like Joe Blow said, if you're looking for something new to help you go adventuring, this ain't it. Each class only has 5 levels instead of the usual 20, and their class features are severely underpowered compared to their Player's Handbook counterparts. And if you're thinking "that's okay, I like a challenge," STOP. Most of the features aren't even helpful in combat, they are things like be a better blacksmith and get a dog. These aren't adventurers, they are peasants and commoners. The NPCs that you usually rescue from towns plagued by monsters? These classes let you play as them. If you can't think of why anyone would want to play a character class that caps at level 5 and is basically useless in combat, you probably aren't the target market for this product. On the other hand, if the idea of playing a campaign where you aren't the heroes for once sounds like fun, then maybe you should consider hitting that buy button.

Still not sure? The full preview goes all the way to page 13 (halfway through the book), which will allow you to see 3 of the 8 classes IN THEIR ENTIRETY before you have to make a decision about buying this. I wouldn't want you to accidentally buy this product without having a chance to make sure it is right for you, so please use the previews.

Unless you actually are a dickbag adventurer like the ones Joe Blow described. One of them kicked in my door last week and smashed all my pots, so, if you're one of them and you accidentally buy my book that's just karma baby.


  1. The Barkeep
  2. The Blacksmith
  3. The Entertainer
  4. The Farmer (complete with dog pet)
  5. The Herbalist (spell effects + potions = brewcasting)
  6. The Merchant (profit while your NPC hireling fights for you)
  7. The Militia (pretend to be like a PHB class with all the trappings of a fighter but none of the good features to go with)
  8. The Priest (like the NPC in the monster manual, basically)

Plus, fun commentary and bad puns by none other than the most mediocre man alive: JOE BLOW HIMSELF!

Reach out to me on Twitter @JoshuaBarbeau. I'd love to hear from you.

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File Last Updated:
December 01, 2019
This title was added to our catalog on December 01, 2019.